01-01-2001

So here it is. It seems to be a day of reflection for many people, I guess for me too.

Yesterday was a terrible day for me. I attended a funeral for a 15 year old boy. This boy is the son of one of my coworkers, Amanda. She is one of the sweetest people in the world. She's helped me out of binds and I've helped her. One of the bad parts about my job is that I mostly work alone. She is a fellow bartender and I only see her in passing and via text messages when we need shifts covered. Her son hung himself Christmas night. My heart literally breaks for her. I can not/do not want to understand her pain. I do want to be as empathetic to her and reach out as much as possible, so I went to the funeral with a group of us from work.

This hit home for me because her son was 3 months older than my eldest daughter. And I'm struggling with her right now and her teenage girl attitude. She has been so disrespectful to her dad and brother that I've had enough and scheduled family therapy sessions. I thought about this through the entire funeral and pretty much lost my shit at one point. I came home and hugged her and her bff and told them tearfully about what I had just witnessed. I had them tearing up at one point.

I was so emotionally drained yesterday that we stayed home. I really had no desire to celebrate anything. I didn't feel like I had anything to celebrate. So that was the end of my 2009.

Today I wake up to a new day. The sun is out and there is hope. My year begins with my birthday on Monday. This is also the first day of therapy for us. I'm forgoing a birthday dinner for this therapy, but I think it'll be a great birthday present eventually. I'm also working for Amanda 2 of her 4 shifts this week, which puts my work load up there. I'm used to working 2 shifts per week max, but starting on Saturday I'm working 5 shifts. I need the money, so I'm not complaining.

I reflect on my yesterday and look forward from here. I look at my list of goals and think in a way that they are trivial, but still needed in my life.

1. Work on my relationships
This is why we're starting therapy. I think we all need it in one way or another.

2. Make Monthly/Weekly Goals
I want to break down the big goals into smaller ones that way I'm more apt to do them.

3. Exercise Regularly
I joined a gym a month ago, I need to use it.

4. Purge and Organize
My house needs an overhaul and I need to be really cut-throat.

5. Get our Money in Order
I've worked on the budget, now I need to find a new job.

6. Keep up with school
I just need to keep it a priority.

That's it. I'm going to break them down tomorrow. Today I'm going to enjoy football and junk food day.